Mukbangs and Me: From an Eating Disorder Survivor
I was hungry on a late night in 2017, so I searched “Pasta” on YouTube, and clicked a thumbnail featuring a woman eating a giant plate of creamy fettuccine alfredo. I watched for the entire ten minutes and I could hear everything- Every bite, chew, crunch, slurp, and swallow. This was my first experience watching a mukbang, and I haven’t stopped watching them since.
A mukbang is an online eating show that features the host consuming large quantities of food. It became popular in Korea, but now it’s a worldwide trend. There are two different styles of mukbangs: Talking shows and ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response). People watch ASMR mukbangs specifically because of their visual and auditory components.
I was hungry because I had anorexia. Usually, I stalked food accounts on Instagram to curb my hunger. It worked, but mukbangs worked even better. It would satisfy cravings that were impossible to fulfill unless I did the one thing that would put me into an anxiety spiral: Eat. Unfortunately, I’m not the only one whose anorexia was partially enabled by mukbangs; I’ve seen a My Pro Ana forum titled, “Is anyone else obsessed with watching mukbangs?”, and similar posts on Tumblr and other platforms. This is a problem that is overlooked and unrecognized by so many people.
Fortunately, I got the support I needed to overcome my eating disorder. For a lot of people, recovery is a long process. I must include that anyone who has an eating disorder has a different experience than anyone else. Throughout recovery, I still watched mukbangs, but instead of them being a negative coping mechanism to control my hunger, they made me want to cook and try new food and savor every bite of it. Throughout my life, except for the two years of my eating disorder, I have always been a food lover. It’s weird how something so toxic for my mental and physical health has the complete opposite effect today. Mukbangs reinforce my love of food- An adoration that all mukbang watchers and creators share.
In this blog, I will share my experiences watching mukbangs, while also bringing awareness to eating disorders. I hope I can encourage others to work on building a healthy relationship with food and realizing the benefits it has on our physical health, well-being, and engagement in life.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please do not hesitate to receive support and resources by texting “NEDA” to 741741 to talk to a trained volunteer, or visit nationaleatingdisorders.org.
